Interview with Elizabeth Cronin: Emotion Is Temporary, You Will Be Okay

Listen to the complete interview below and sorry for the mic flub up. #podcastrookie

Remember Tim The Toolman Taylor’s wise neighbor from Home Improvement (the amazing 90’s t.v. show)? Elizabeth Cronin is my current day version of Wilson, with a beautiful face I am lucky enough to see over the fence and much better style. She is an interior designer (owner of Abeille Occupeé) and a wonderful Mom. Her kids are older than mine and are absolutely lovely. Emme is 18 and a freshman at NYU, Caroline is 16 and is practically my kids' 2nd Mom, and Hugh is 13 - he is a smart, athletic, nice guy. They all undoubtedly meet the definition of ‘good kids’. Clearly, Elizabeth and her husband (Tim) have done something right. Hear how she creates space for an unconditionally loving, emotionally-focused, open home. She encourages her children to notice the normal, uncomfortable feelings associated with being a kid and remind them that they will always be alright. Emotion is temporary. Elizabeth and Tim encourage curiosity and exploration because they have “a wide safety net under them now”. Without knowing it, they are teaching major lessons in what psychologists call distress tolerance and anxiety management.  And, I’m lucky enough to live next door and learn.

What guides your parenting?

My Mom and mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is more old school, stricter, she raised 7 kids. Our family was different. We travelled a lot, my Dad was a pilot, and we didn’t have family dinners often. We were always on the go. My husband’s family sat down every night with all 7 kids. Because they are so different, it has been really helpful. I’ve gotten a bigger picture of how you can parent. From my mother-in-law, I learned the value of family and how important is to be really close. My parents are younger and they travel a lot. It has been important for me to incorporate that too. Their relationship was the most important thing to them and has been a really good thing for me to see in my own relationship.

In my own family, we have an unwritten theme – take risks and try different things because there is a huge net underneath you when you are young. We are there to catch you and you will be fine. Challenge yourself and do things you might not be comfortable with.

How do you teach that?

In terms of Tim and me, we get so wrapped up in the kids so date nights are important, even just taking a walk after dinner to squeeze in 30 mins of together time.

In terms of parenting, we send the message that it is okay to be uncomfortable. Feel the feeling and do it anyway. Be brave, tolerate the emotion, and push yourself. We do a lot of walking through the scenario (before it happens) and role playing how they might handle the situation. Tim always says the opposite of fear is faith. Faith that things turn out the way they are supposed and you will be okay. Feelings are not facts.  We always let them know, no matter what, there is an unconditional love and support. We aren’t perfect, they aren’t perfect, life isn’t perfect but we are here for you.

What challenges you?

Letting them make mistakes has been hard. I aim not to be the rescuer. If I am always there to fix everything, how will they ever learn? If my kid is uncomfortable, I’m uncomfortable and I don’t want to be uncomfortable so the urge is to go in and rescue. I try to step back and let them live their own lives, make mistakes, and learn there are consequences to their actions.

 What do you do well as a parent?

We create a safe place for them to talk. Openly sharing is very important to us. We don’t have to have the answer, it’s not my role to fix the situation, but we create a space for them to feel what they are feeling, help them navigate through, and remind them that they will be okay no matter what. Always knowing they are okay within themselves.

What advice do you have for new Moms?

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Come from a place of love and give yourself a break. When I look back now, I realize all the smalls things don’t really matter.

What are your thoughts on family dinner?

When the kids were younger, Tim traveled a lot, and we were only together as a family 3-4 nights/week. But, the kids weren’t as busy so it was easier in some way. It didn’t have to be anything gourmet but we would regularly sit down together. As they have gotten older, they have activities. Now, we come together on Sundays. The big crowd pleaser is spaghetti and meatballs.

 Elizabeth’s Meatball and Sauce Recipe

1 lb. of ground beef

½ cup of breadcrumbs (the garlic ones at The Fruit Center are wonderful!)

¼ cup of milk

¼ cup of parmigiana cheese

½ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

1 egg

2 jars of your favorite pasta sauce

Directions

• 1 Heat oven to 400°F. Line 13x9-inch pan with foil; spray with cooking spray.

• 2 In large bowl, mix all ingredients. Shape mixture into 20 to 24 (1 1/2-inch) meatballs. Place 1 inch apart in pan.

• 3 Bake uncovered 18 to 22 minutes or until no longer pink in center.

• 4 In the meantime, heat the sauce in a large pot.

• 5 Dump the meatballs into the pot and let simmer on low for at least 20 mins but up to a few hours. Season with salt and pepper, if needed. Serve with pasta. 

Interview with Jessica Delaney: It's Not Always Gonna Be Awesome

 Jessica Delaney moved to Milton from Somerville 5 years ago and quickly regretted her decision. Fearing the worst, she immediately felt lonely and isolated. But, after finding friends and a new career – she settled into home. We met shortly after. I’ve always loved Jess' spunk and youthfulness, which makes her feel like being a mom in the 'burbs doesn’t mean being boring and old. Jess' upbeat energy is palpable. She is my go-to friend for parenting support, someone who shares a love of cooking, and the importance of family dinner. She is authentic, not one to sugar coat the challenges of parenting, and brings humor, fun, and style everywhere she goes. And, she began a second career as an architectural photographer after having children and gets regularly published in The Boston Globe, Design New England, Houzz, and other big name design magazines. Read a bit about Jess below and hear the complete interview on the podcast link at the bottom of the page. Enjoy! 

Tell us a bit about yourself.

My children are: 3.5, 7, and 9 – all girls. I joke that I would probably have been a better mother to boys but alas I have all girls so we will see how all that plays out?! And, I am an architectural photographer and started my business after having my first child. I am figuring out how that all fits in to everyday life.  It’s trickier than I was expecting and feel fortunate that I love what I do. All of a sudden I have something I love to do outside of family so trying to find that proverbial balance is tricky!

What guides your parenting?

I always tell my kids to be kind and generous. Have a smile on your face. It is a better way to go out into the world as a rule. It’s the age old thing – treat others how you want to be treated. If you aren’t kind to your sister, something is going to go badly for you in relatively short form.  Karma is tricky! I hope that they present with loving kindness and compassion towards others.

How do you teach that?

I try very hard to teach by example. Do nice things for other people as much as you can. Encourage them to do little things. Also, I try hard to notice when they do the right things. I can be quick to the negative sometimes because I feel I need to teach them that that is not the okay route, but I try to be equally quick with the positive. They know the naughty things. But, they don’t know when they are doing the right things.

What challenges you?

I second guess myself often. We are moving into an older phase and it became a little trickier. As prepared as I thought I was for all the questions – social, puberty etc. – I had in my mind, a certain time that all these questions would come up and expected to have a sit down chat with my daughter. But, it doesn’t work like that. I have to be ready on the fly and I am not! I leave these conversations with my oldest and wonder if I gave too little or too much information?!

About happiness - there are certain aspects of living in a house with 5 people that’s like living with roommates in college. They are going to annoy you and you have to find a way to work around it because you can’t move out and can’t leave college! If you think ‘it’s not always gonna be awesome’, it helps. Happiness can’t be achieved all day everyday although there is a lot of noise from the outside that makes it feel like it should be. 

 What is your strength?

Although I turned 40, I don’t feel a day older than 25! I try to keep a youthful outlook on life – I want to be the Mom that does cannonballs in the pool, backflip off the bridge, and says ‘sure, let’s go rock climbing’ and actually do it. I constantly find the fun in life, because if we can’t be out circumnavigating the world in a boat, I’ll find the 2nd best thing to do in Milton! I’m always up for anything and I want my kids to be up for anything. They don’t seem to know what fear is.

What advice do you have?

It looks like there are some people who can do everything. You can’t. You can do everything at some point, but you just can’t just do it all at the same time.  It is something I have to remind myself of everyday because if I don’t, I don’t get anything done and I spin like a top. I pick one thing for the day. It’s so easy to go astronomical in expectations of yourself. Give yourself more time.

How do you think about family dinner?

It’s really important to me. It’s a bit torturous but I keep telling myself ‘It’s not going to be this way forever’. Food is important and dinner is a really good time to just be there.  And, I want them to like food – all sorts of food and try different things. There are the nights we are eating chicken nuggets and tater tots, and there is the night we enjoy salmon.

Recipe: Jess’ Go-To Meatloaf

1 pound of turkey meat
1/2 - 1 full minced shallot depending on taste
About a cup of breadcrumbs
1 egg
Salt & pepper

For glaze:

1 cup ketchup
1/4 c brown sugar
1-2 tbs Worcestershire

In a bowl mix all ingredients together - clean hands make the best mixing tool!  Form it into a rough oval and place in baking dish.  Cover with tin foil and bake at 350• for about 40 minutes.  Remove foil and glaze the top and put back in for another 10-15 mins.

Enjoy with green beans and roasted baby red potatoes (or fries)!

Interview with Sarah Cambria: Love is Trying to Understand Someone Better

You might see a tall, gorgeous blond with a bright smile and two little ones strolling down Canton Avenue and wonder who she is – that is Sarah Cambria, as beautiful on the inside as on the out. In the halls of preschool, you can hear her upbeat voice chatting with passing parents and feel her energy emanating. She regularly says things like, “You are doing a great job with your family! They are beautiful little souls”, and other totally feel good, hippy-dippy, genuine comments that leaves people feeling happier than when she found them. Or, you might see her swaying to her husband’s (Andy) band at Steel & Rye for Bluegrass brunch. And no, she doesn’t spend the morning mediating on how to be a good person, she is in fact is incredibly busy as a senior marketer for C Space, a marketing consulting firm. During her 2-year-old’ (Felix) nap and her 5-year-old’s (Sadie) playdate, we sat in her clean, airy living room and talked about how she supports her children on their journeys and what challenges her as a mother.  

What guides you in your parenting?

From the first time I met my kids and spend time with them every day, I know this is really their journey. They are so themselves and have always been.  It is my job to understand them. A yoga teacher once told me that love is really just trying to understand someone better. I want everyone to feel comfortable with who they are, and when things are tough, for us all to bond together. And, have humor around it. I always say why I am doing something, and try to understand why they are doing something. I do this because, you need to know yourself. You don’t have a lot of control in life around you so if you know why you react in certain ways - it will help guide.

I want them to feel physically supported – touch. I want them to feel that this is a loving world and share that with others. I want them to trust that they have the skills they need, and that the world is going to be safe and beautiful.                                                                                                

How do you cope with the more difficult days?

I try to find those moments when I feel really out of control or overstimulated. Transitions are often hard. In my mind, I am thinking, ‘I have to get to work’. Real life expectations can be challenging. When I feel totally out of control, I act really silly, ridiculously silly. Horribly embarrassing if anyone else saw.  The chances are one of them will laugh and change the energy enough. They call me ‘cooko bananas’.

What challenges you?

The ‘should haves’ are challenging for me. I work full time and wonder what a good mom who works full-time looks like. What does her house look like? What do the holidays look like? Then I start to say, ‘I should do this more’, and that is a really bad place to be. It’s around experience I ‘should’ be creating for my children. For example, I wanted to dye eggs at Easter. I had it all planned out. Felix was going to nap and Sadie and I were going to do it together. I got Felix down for a nap, and I thought ‘This is it. Mommy and Sadie time. This is going to be awesome. These are the memories’. And, I looked in the fridge and there were only brown eggs. I was sick about it. I thought, if I stayed at home, I would have figured this out. And, Sadie was like “These are the most beautiful eggs! They are so gorgeous” and she wanted to display them. My trigger is related to working a lot. Feeling like there isn’t enough hours in the day and I don’t want to cheat my family out of anything. That’s the hardest thing for me.

What would you share with a new parent?

To feel fulfilled as a Mom, find the things that make you feel connected with your kid. Notice when you are smiling. Note that and share it. It’s all in the moments. And if you have one of those moments in the day, it’s enough to get you through.

It’s okay to not know what you are doing. It’s also okay to say to someone I’m trying this and I don’t feel like it’s working. Admit to someone you trust that it’s hard.

Know that balance probably won’t happen in one day.

How do you think about family dinner?

Andy and I share the importance of family dinner. The night my husband isn’t home late from work, we eat as a family, and do a lot of lunch and brunch. We try to make it fun and expose a lot of foods to them. They try to guess what is in the food. We don’t give them a lot of choices. We make one dinner and everyone eats it or they don’t.

You can hear the complete interview on The Raising & Roasting podcast on www.drbobbiwegner.com or Itunes.

Sarah’s Go-To Dinner: Salmon Roasted in Butter

(from Mark Bittman in The New York Times)

Ingredients

4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter

4 tablespoons minced chervil, parsley or dill

1 salmon fillet, 1 1/2 to 2 pounds

Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Lemon wedges

Preparation

1.       Preheat the oven to 475 degrees. Place the butter and half the herb in a roasting pan just large enough to fit the salmon and place it in the oven. Heat about 5 minutes, until the butter melts and the herb begins to sizzle.

2.       Add the salmon to the pan, skin side up. Roast 4 minutes. Remove from the oven, then peel the skin off. (If the skin does not lift right off, cook 2 minutes longer.) Sprinkle with salt and pepper and turn the fillet over. Sprinkle with salt and pepper again.

3.       Roast 3 to 5 minutes more, depending on the thickness of the fillet and the degree of doneness you prefer. Cut into serving portions, spoon a little of the butter over each and garnish with the remaining herb. Serve with lemon wedges.

Interview with Moria Flynn Riordan: Cultivating Gems at Work and Home

While she is best known for her super hip and gorgeous jewelry boutique (M. Flynn), Moria Flynn Riordan spends her time outside of the store managing a whole other team: 6-year-old Jack, 5-year-old Paddy, and 2-year-old Maggie. Over a glass of white wine and while our combined 6 kids disappeared somewhere in the house, Moria and I sat on the floor of my living room and chatted about her experience adding 3 kids to an already busy life, the ups and downs of trying to make it through the day flexibly, and what she really hopes for as a full-time, working mom.

Tell me a little about yourself:

I am a mother to 3 children – 2 boys (6 y/o and 5 y/o) and a daughter (2.5 y/o). I also have a store in the South End of Boston (M. Flynn) that I run with my sister. I am just trying to keep it all together! 

What are the top three things you want your kids to learn as they grow?

I am always trying to promote independence (which is hard, especially with the first). Confidence. I always like the idea of flexibility – I want them to go into new situations and be comfortable with new people.

How Do You Put that into Practice?

In controlled environments, I try to give them more independence. Last night, we were out to dinner and I let the boys go to the bathroom by themselves.  In terms of flexibility, I try to introduce them to new people and change things up (i.e. camps and activities). The confidence part comes from both of these. I think if they can be empowered to do things on their own, then the confidence comes as a result. I don’t know, I am feeling it all out! It’s an experiment!

What are some things you are proud of?

I am proud when I see the boys being kind or gentle to their sister or to other people. Treating others well and treating each other well makes me proud. Ultimately, I want them to be good people and be conscience of others. And honestly, in the day to day, if everyone has pants on and ready to get out of the door, I count it as a win!

What challenges you?

There are so many moving pieces and that’s hard. Every fall, my kids put their pants on and they are all too short. Keeping up with that, sports, medical, and everything is challenging! Ha. I just found out I forgot my 5-year old’s yearly physical. It was just off my radar! Just keeping everything together is a daily challenge. And, I have a lot of guilt about mealtimes. Sometimes I just make p.b.& j. because that’s all I have in me. Like a lot of mothers, I am working at 100% capacity, so if something goes wrong, if stick gets caught in the spoke, it kinda throws me for a loop. Just keeping everyone straight is a goal.

What would you share with a new parent?

Give yourself a break. There aren’t any rules with parenting. Just do your best. And secondly, Mom needs to take of herself because nobody is okay if you aren’t okay. And, let your kid go, let them explore. Everything you need to know, you learn on the playground. The less you can intervene as a parent, the better.

Moria’s Go-To Dinner: Orecchiette with Sausage and Roasted Peppers

(Adapted from Martha Stewart)

2 Medium Red Bell Peppers (seeded and cut into quarters)

2 Medium Yellow Bell Peppers (seeded and cut into quarters)

1 lb. orecchiette or short pasta

2 tsp. olive oil

1 lb. sweet Italian sausage, removed from casing (Moria uses Applegate Chicken Sausage)

1 TBS. butter

1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese

Preheat boiler. Place the peppers, skin side up on a foil-lined baking sheet. Broil until charred, 18-20 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and let sit 2-3 minutes. Using a paper towel, rub off the skins, reserving any juices in the bowl. Thinly slice the peppers and place them back in the bowl with the juice. Set aside.

Cook the pasta until al dente and reserve ½ cup of pasta water.

Heat the oil in a large skillet. Cook the sausage (breaking it up with a spoon if it is real sausage) or just until browned. Add the roasted peppers and cook until heated through.

Transfer the sausage to a large bowl, add the pasta, butter, pasta water, and parmesan. Season with salt and pepper. Serve!